a tad supersticious...

11:11pm.. I am a bit supersticious still as an adult.. and when the digital clock shows all the same numbers, if I am in the right mind set.. I still..make a wish. Tonight.. I got to make an wish at 11:11pm just before i went to check Jareds BG. I knew what i wanted to wish for, but I am so careful with my wishes.. because like a child, i prefer to wish for what i know can come true... so my words in my wishes are so very carefully chosen... Of course we all know what the 'ultimate' wish is.. but how do we wish for it??? a cure? diabetes to just go away?? no complications?? easier life?? Less issues for him to deal with??? Less pressure for him?? I never know quite how to phrase it.. I am beginning to think it is a good thing I am indeed supersticious, because I have by now, likely worded this 'desire' in so many ways.. some part of it.. in fact 'any' part of it 'has' to come true... I can't complain because we have not had any extraordinary complications to date.. lows.. yes, highs.. yes.. ketones with the flu.. yes.. IV's and hospitals for what other kids miss only one day of school for.. yes.. but all in all.. we are so lucky he is responsible (as responsible as a 6 year old can be) and is in tune with his body.. and does not rebel too much... but I do wish for him to have the same 'normal' as other kids...

I checked his BG and he is 87... good.. right?!? normal.. right?? only not for a kid with no pancreas who you never know what is going to happen when they sleep... too much insulin can cause a parents worst nightmare.. well.. 3 more hours to check to make sure we will all have a good nights sleep... you never know which direction it will go in... nights like tonight you wish for the CGM.. that personal safeguard... the one that will let you know 'before' (in theory - and usually) trouble comes his way... but he does not have a sensor on.. so I don't anticipate much sleep tonight.. I am already rambling... Clearly there is much more and way too much on my mind... the guilt of halloween coming up.. .i don't know.. hating hearing my son say. "I like healthy things and I know it makes me feel the best, but I wish i could belive it ...when someone says.. you can have anything.. they meant it - I know I can't ... and don 't know if i ever will" and then he moves on.. that is way too deep for a kid.. acknowledging that a small fraction of his life sucks, he deals.. it is not fair... but I wish for him.. one day.. he could have 'anything' he wanted...

note: the problem here is that even if you try to let him have a small binge fest.. he doesn't feel good.. what is the fun in that anyway... (Hey you got to let them live and learn a bit.. and as most of you know, it does not take much for a small kid to feel the effects... of it all... and I mean "it all"

On Halloween we trade the 'loot' for a 'gift' from the great pumpkin of halloween who has a sweet tooth... but I still feel a bit guilty (not that he needs the candy) but that the whole 'ritual' of it all does not have the same satisfaction to him as it used to.. :(

Sorry to have jumped all over the place, I just felt a need to ramble tonight... I am thankful for so much, and so happy and proud of him, I wish I could make it all better... I would take a day.. anything... for him to feel he is 'normal' because I know he is... and I know what wonderful things he will do and accomplish regarless... just an easy day... would be a really nice 'treat'