Loved this SUM post.. wanted to share it

"What Kind of Diabetes Punctuation Mark Are You?"

Some days, I'm a question mark, constantly wondering. "What caused this high?" "How do I figure out this basal rate?" "What kind of foods can I eat today?" "Am I a bad person because I ate that?" "What the hell is that thing BEEEEEEP!ing for again?" "Where is my meter?" "Is that because I'm low or because I'm me?"

Other days, I'm an exclamation point, frustrated and a bit burnt out. "I am mad!" "I don't want to deal with this stupid disease anymore!" "I want to go to sleep without all these devices!" "This isn't fair!" "I quit!" And also, "Yes, I can eat that!"

Moments where I can't separate myself from my disease become saturated with hyphens. It's all "diabetes-related" and "high-high" and "blood sugar-wise." A doctor-patient relationship. Am I Kerri-with-diabetes or Just-Kerri?

There are days when I am a comma, taking a brief pause before making a decision. "I just treated the low but I still feel low, so I should wait before eating something else." And on particularly confusing days, I can be a semi-colon, taking an even longer moment to make sense of something. "I'm low and I've treated it; however, I exercised, ate something sugary, have active insulin, still feel the low, and have no idea what to do next."
But overall, my diabetes is punctuated by an ellipse. I manage the moments, but it's always a question of the unknown. Yes, this is the "now," but what happens later?

If I eat this, I could ... If I go to sleep on this blood sugar, I might ... If I spend the next five years ignoring this, I may ... If I don't do this, I will ...If I'm happy and healthy, my life will be ...
Every day is different, and every diabetic is different. And every moment is left with an ellipse, trailing off into the unknown. it can be very easy some days, and completely overwhelming on others. Sometimes I tire of taking the editorial red pen to my diabetes. And other times, I need to remind myself that this isn't something I can ignore.
I think that the most important thing I can do is ... live.

Posted by Kerri Morrone Sparling on January 19, 2009 09:50 AM Permalink

** Based on the quiz at http://www.blogthings.com/whatpunctuationmarkareyouquiz/

Back in the swing of things...

We decided to put on the CGM.. I had decided that everything which had been so certain, had become uncertain.. and for a moment, in this chaos we call life, I needed my calm back, my center, my grounding.. my groove...and Jared needed his CGM on.

Deep breath. sigh, smile.

There is something wonderful about being lucky enough to have a CGM to help you through the questions.. to know (or better understand) which direction the BG is going in, and help to understand what impact all our daily decisions have on our diabetic children.

I feel like this post is the clear me, and the one who feels confident (and vulnerable) that we can survive each day, that our kids are the strongest, and by teaching them to undertand themselves, they are going to best care for themselves over the long run.

I was noticing I had become a bit too 'dear diary' and a bit on the negative side. I felt like the winter season had beaten us down.. but that is not our style.. we are get up and get ' at ' er kinda people...

I am back up and at' er and so is Jared and we feel good again...

We are healing from our winter illnesses and BGs are back on track, and tightly controlled... all while (in moderation) enjoying the little things in life that make kids smile.

My son has started writing a book with his grandma about living with diabetes, but after much thought, and reading thier first draft.. it is about him.. living, choosing and caring for himself and those around him.. and those who help him, and make his life as normal as possible while having diabetes.. that it is not what defines him, but a part of why he needs help.. so he can be like all the other kids.

All this joy has reminded me of why I can be strong, and happy and confident again.. that not all is chaos...